O Holy night, the stars are brightly shining.

I figure it's time to give this blog a little update.

 

It's coming up on a month since my miscarriage and my last post on here. Since then I've got the "all-clear" from the ob/gyn, we've been trying to move on, Christmas has come and gone and it's a new year.

I'm not going to lie, my Christmas spirit before December 8th and after December 8th were two different stories. I'm not really a Christmas person as it is, but this year felt different. We were excited...and there was a reason to be excited besides just us. I had put the Christmas decorations up this season with so much hope that this would be our last Christmas as a family of two. When we turned the lights on the tree, and it felt new and it felt warmer.

Honestly, after our miscarriage I never turned the Christmas tree lights on again. I couldn't. It felt like a lie - like smiling when you're sad.

As soon as January 1st came I packaged up the Christmas decorations and tree as quickly as I could. As I was putting everything away, I couldn't help but cry. It just seemed so upsetting that I had last opened those Christmas boxes with so much hope and I was now putting them away with so much sadness. As I packed away the last stocking I just sat there on the floor wondering what next year would bring, and if I'd be able to enjoy my lit up Christmas tree throughout the season.

At midnight on New Years, I got a little teary-eyed at the thought of what 2013 could bring, and how great it is that there are second chances. It is really true what they say, "without the rain, there would never be rainbows".  I guess I've gotta look at this miscarriage as the storm, and any happiness afterward as the rainbow.

This horrible month has really made me appreciate anything that is positive, or anything that we can look forward to together.

January 1st was really so refreshing. It's a little crazy when you reflect on life's ups and downs.

In 2012 we went on a lot of vacations. Dave went with his dad to Florida in January. I went with my bridesmaids for my bachelorette to Hollywood in February. Dave when with his groomsmen to Montreal in March. We went on a roadtrip of Hwy 1's California coast for our honeymoon in April.

We also had bad times. In 2012 Dave tore his ACL and had reconstructive surgery in June. He got in a car accident in February, and I got in a bad car accident on July 21.

We had stressful times. Dave had a huge audit at work that he had been preparing for, for years.  The audit was in September and went off without a hitch...but came at the price of working his ass off and sleepless nights.

We had great times. We got married on March 31, 2012 and found out I was pregnant on November 7th,  2012.

And then sad times. My miscarriage on December 9th, 2012.

And here are some weird facts: my car accident (also the scariest day of my life) was on July 21st, 2012. My due date with Speck was July 21, 2013. Dave proposed to me on December 9th, 2010 and my miscarriage was December 9th, 2012.

Weird how the contrast of good and bad seems to work out. I guess there just aren't enough dates in the year.

Anyway, that's about all I have for an update right now. I thank everyone for being so supportive during this time. As much as people do suck sometimes, it's pretty nice to know there are some truly empathetic people out there. :)