What an odd feeling.

So, we've officially started trying to conceive. It is the most unbelievable/odd/whackjobby feeling to know that you could have just created a LIFE. There could possibly be some little being ready to grow inside me. And let's not forget to mention, pregnancy has been something that I've been trying to avoid for my entire adult life, and here I am...allowing it. That in itself  is a weird, weird feeling - especially for a control freak like me.

I'm also dealing with some fears, too. First of all, whether this is our month or not, we're taking the leap to becoming parents. One of the only decisions we'll ever make in life that will last a lifetime, permanently. We are deciding from now until we die, we are going to be parents and until they are adults, we will be responsible for them. To admit to yourself that you're ready to be responsible for another life is a bigger concept than I think I can wrap my brain around, and yeah, it's scary as hell. But at the same time I know we're ready to bring everything we've learned in these 20-something years to life and learn as we go. Not to mention, we've got a lot of love to give and show to a child someday.

Also, my body. I am basically willing to surrender it over to another human who I have never even met yet. Any problems that it has, we will share together. Any problems I have, we will share together. Scary. Not to mention the weight gain. But as scary as it is, I can't wait to see my body do what it was made to do and have the honour of creating life. The fact that I can become pregnant will make me happy to be a woman (as corny as it sounds).

And lastly, my biggest fear of all, the birth. Come on ladies, so few people actually TALK about their birth experiences and when they do it's all unicorns and rainbows. I call bullshit. It must be one of the scariest days that a woman can live through. Basically, you have NO control over your body. Your body decides how fast or slow you contract, how painful it will be and any complications you can have. I just want to make it through. I don't care how painful, how long, how tired I might be...I just want to survive childbirth and deliver a healthy baby and I will be rid of this fear. I'm determined to make childbirth one of the happiest days of my life instead of the scariest as I look at it as being now.

Who knows, my next update could be it!